


Handcuffed

by jashinist_feminist



Series: My Big Gay Ninja Wedding [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Cats, Clubbing, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/F, Girls Kissing, Hen night, Kissing, Lesbian Sex, M/M, OCs - Freeform, OOC, Partying, Vaginal Fingering, drunk kunoichi, itachi gets a sexy shark man so izumi gets a sexy shark lady, mentions of BDSM, mikoto is a dom and fugaku is a sub, sasori gets kidnapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 09:14:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16037435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jashinist_feminist/pseuds/jashinist_feminist
Summary: The night before Kisame and Itachi's nuptials, Mikoto is adamant that they need to have a hen night...even if they don't exactly have a bride...





	Handcuffed

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this fic for what feels like forever, I just kept finding more and more funny things to add to it! But, now its here, and I hope you guys like it.
> 
> as a warning, Mikoto gets VERY drunk and emotional. She is an even worse drunk than me XD and then she reacts my favourite meme lol XD
> 
> Special thanks to Shadow for letting me include her beautiful OC Tsunami Hoshigaki, and the rest of the Hoshigaki fam! I love them so much, they are such great characters to write for <3 if you haven't met Shadow's OCs yet, then check out her Tumblr blog Konohagakureship, its amazing!

“Oka-san says we have a problem,” announced Itachi.

Izumi glanced up from where she sat massaging Tsunami’s shoulders on the front porch of her house. Tsunami arched her back, closing her eyes as she basked in Izumi’s affectionate caresses.

“What is it now?” asked Izumi.

“She wants you, Hinami, Mizu, all the girls, to go and see her in otou-san’s study, right now,” replied Itachi.

“All those people in Fugaku-sama’s study? He won’t like that,” warned Izumi.

“Well…he doesn’t really get a say in the matter,” admitted Itachi.

“That’s true,” said Izumi, knowing very well that as much as Fugaku claimed he was the clan head, Mikoto ruled him. She stopped rubbing Tsunami’s shoulders, and patted her instead. “We better go and see what’s the matter.”

Tsunami opened her eyes, her blissful expression fading away as Izumi ceased her movements. They both climbed up, and joined the procession of girls heading into Mikoto’s house.

“What’s the problem, Mikoto?” asked Ayako, her hands on her hips. “Why are we all here?”

“We’ve got a pre-wedding dinner,” announced Mikoto, swivelling around in Fugaku’s study chair. She sprawled out over the chair like she owned it. “But we don’t have a hen night.”

“Because we don’t have a bride,” replied Ayako.

“Do we need a bride to have a hen night?” asked Mikoto.

“That’s the general idea,” said Ayako.

“Remember my hen night?” asked Mikoto.

“I’d prefer to forget it…” groaned Ayako.

“What happened?” asked Kasumi.

“Don’t say a word,” growled Ayako.

“Well, why don’t we have another one, right now, with just us?” suggested Mikoto.

“Why would we do that?” asked Hazuki.

“For fun!”

“Count me in then,” beamed Hazuki. “It’s been a while since I went out!”

“Ladies, would you like to join us?” asked Mikoto to the Hoshigaki girls.

The Hoshigaki clanswomen nodded eagerly.

“None of your antics, Mikoto!” warned Ayako.

“What antics?” asked Mikoto innocently.

“You know very well what I mean,” threatened Ayako.

“It’s perfectly fine, I’ll be there to provide any medical assistance,” assured Hazuki.

“Fine,” agreed Ayako. “When are we going out?”

* * *

The night before the wedding, Mizu, Hinami and Izumi gathered in Izumi’s room to get ready. Mizu pulled on a smart grey playsuit, whilst Hinami slipped into an off-the-shoulder navy bodycon dress.

“I can’t believe she is dragging us into this,” Hinami shook her head, readjusting the straps of her dress in the mirror.

“I can,” replied Izumi, wriggling into her dress. “Zip this dress up for me, will you?”

She turned around, and pulled her hair over one shoulder so that Hinami could zip up the silky red dress she’d chosen to wear for the night out. Sitting on the desk was a bottle of cherry sours that they were sipping from as they got ready. It wasn’t the most sophisticated of drinks, but it brought back memories of scrounging together money and slipping away with one of their older clanswomen’s ID cards to buy alcohol in the village and sneak it back into the compound.

“Are we ready?” asked Izumi, pulling her hair back into place once Hinami had finished.

“I’m ready,” said Mizu, patting her playsuit into place, and picking up her clutch bag.

“Me too,” added Hinami.

“Let’s go!” decided Izumi. She gave a quick glance out the window at the guest house that their Hoshigaki guests were staying in. “I wonder what Tsu-chan’s wearing.”

“Tsu-chan this, Tsu-chan that! You have got it so bad, Izumi-senpai,” Hinami shook her head. “When are you moving to Kiri?”

“I’m not moving to Kiri!” protested Izumi.

“Of course you’re not,” replied Mizu.

“I am _not_ moving to Kiri,” repeated Izumi, as they trooped out of her room and down the stairs.

“Oh really?” asked Mizu. “So how does Hazuki-san feel about Tsu-chan moving in with you two?”

“She’s not moving in with us!”

“I give it this long,” Hinami raised her forefinger and thumb, showing the gap of a centimetre between them.

Izumi shook her head, exasperated. They collected Hazuki, trooping out of the house, across the Compound, gathering some attention from their clansmen who lounged on their porches who looked at their party outfits with interest.

Mikoto flung open the door to her house, wearing a tight sparkly dress. Behind her, Fugaku gazed out, completely befuddled.

“Mikoto…dear…be careful!” he shouted, as Mikoto waved at him with her clutch bag.

“I’m always careful dear!” Mikoto skipped down the porch and blew him a kiss, before hugging all the girls, one by one. “Let’s go, ladies! We’re going to get Ayako…we’re going to get Konan…then Mei…we’re going to get Kasumi and Tsunami and all the Hoshigaki girls, and we are going to have the best night of our lives!”

They collected Ayako, then Konan, then Mei, then went and knocked on the door of the Hoshigaki’s guesthouse. Kasumi flung open the door, elegantly clothed in a one-shouldered chiffon dress that she complimented with gold bangles. A small matching clutch bag dangled from her elbow.

Mikoto immediately seized Kasumi in a warm hug, and kissed her cheek. Kasumi cheered, and thumped Mikoto on the back. Mikoto startled, and settled for patting Kasumi on the back.

“Tsunami is just coming,” said Kasumi, as she released Mikoto.

Hinami nudged Izumi, and then winked.

“Stop it!” hissed Izumi. But then she glanced up quickly, and caught sight of a pair of heeled gladiator sandals emerging down the stairs. A pair of well-muscled legs glad in black leather trousers appeared, then a matching black leather jacket flung over a light silk cami top that tastefully clung to her muscles and figure, then Tsunami emerged into complete view. Her hair was tied back in her usual high ponytail, revealing twinkling silver earrings that dangled down to her shoulders. Izumi’s breath hitched.

“Goodbye, aniki!” Tsunami sang, leaning into the living room of the guesthouse. “Rest well!”

Kisame moved into view of the doorway, and placed his hands on her shoulders warmly. “You take care of yourself, little one-”

Tsunami aimed a punch at his side. “I’m not little!”

Kisame dodged her punch with a grin. “Make sure mama behaves herself!”

“Of course I behave myself!” shouted Kasumi.

Tsunami fist-bumped her older brother, and Kisame laughed, before settling back in the living room with his father and twin brothers. Tsunami stepped down the porch, joining the group. Both she and Izumi immediately gravitated towards one another through the group of women. Hinami gave Izumi a pointed look, then rolled her eyes and nudged Mizu. Izumi stuck her middle finger up at both of the girls, who simply sniggered in response.

Mikoto threaded her arm through Kasumi’s, and they both began to lead the group down into the village. Tsunami held out her hand for Izumi to take. Izumi accepted, and they followed after Mikoto and Kasumi. Ayako beckoned to Mizu and Hinami, and they stalked along after Mikoto, watching and listening to her every word. Konan threaded her arm through Mei’s cordially, and they followed along, talking to Hazuki, whilst Hoshigaki clanswomen followed in their wake.

“Where’s the first stop?” asked Hazuki, as they drew nearer.

“The bar!” Mikoto cried.

Before they knew it, they clustered inside a bar. There were already plenty of civilians enjoying a night out, as well as several shinobi and kunoichi relaxing after a mission. Everyone had drinks, or were nibbling crisps and peanuts.

“Please say we do not bump into my old sensei or any of the Academy teachers,” groaned Hinami.

Before either Izumi or Mizu could reply, they caught sight of Tsunade, the actual hokage, sitting at a table, sipping what looked like her third bottle of wine of the evening, and gambling away more of her money.

“I don’t think either of you need to worry,” replied Mei.

Mikoto guided them to the bar, and ordered the first round. She paid for it with her card, and then handed the drinks around. The atmosphere was pleasant, relaxed and friendly. After one or two more drinks, the volume of their chatter amplified, and Mikoto suddenly released a wail.

“I don’t want my baby to grow up,” sobbed Mikoto, slumping over the bar.

“He’s already grown-up,” said Ayako, sipping at her beer.

“No, he’s not! I still make him a packed lunch!” Mikoto admitted loudly.

“Yes, we’re all envious of Itachi’s packed lunches,” stated Konan. “Would you make me one?”

“Sure!” beamed Mikoto, even through her tears. She reached over and clasped Ayako’s hand as she sobbed. “I just can’t get over the fact that he’s going to be married…and in an actual house…”

“You already had a kid at his age,” added Hazuki.

“I know…it just doesn’t seem real…” Mikoto howled into her free hand, before sitting upright, her hair dishevelled and messy. “I don’t feel well…”

“I tell you what…do you want some Jaeger? Jaeger fixes everything,” announced Kasumi. She turned to the barman, after quickly counting how many guests they had. “Can we get twenty Jaegers?”

Mikoto slumped onto Kasumi’s shoulder, streaking wet tears across Kasumi’s dress. “But I’m so glad…so glad it’s your baby that my baby wants to marry!”

“That’s right, me too,” Kasumi wrapped her arm around Mikoto’s shoulder, letting her sag against her, and patted one shoulder with her free hand.

“Kisame’s a good boy…so polite…he always says please and thank you whenever I offer him anything…and he’s so good with Sasuke too! Like another big brother…” Mikoto went on, her hands gripping the front of Kasumi’s dress. “You’ve brought him up so well…all of them!”

“Oh, Kisame was the easy one,” dismissed Kasumi, with a wave of her hand. Gold bangles clicked as she did so. “It was the ones after him who caused chaos.”

“Oi, mama!” protested Tsunami.

“Not you, your brothers!” retorted Kasumi, elbowing her daughter. She gave Mikoto another clap on the shoulder. Mikoto hiccupped and winced. “But I kept them all in line, as you can see!”

Mikoto’s sobbing was cut off when twenty shots of Jaeger were laid out on the bar counter in front of them.

“Everybody drink up!” announced Kasumi, as she paid the barman.

They all reached out and picked up a Jaeger shot, before clustering together in a ring.

“One! Two! Three!” commanded Kasumi, and then they all drank. Everyone downed their drinks, and slammed the empty glasses down on the bar. Kasumi gave a wide grin, and slammed her hand on the bar. “Round two!”

After several rounds of Jaeger, the group decided to hit the dancefloor. Mikoto veered around the floor like crazy, dancing in a manner that none of them had ever seen before.

“This is for you!” she announced, pointing at a random old man, who sat drinking on the other side of the room. She began to move across the room, busting out various provocative and suggestive dance moves that would be appropriate and attractive to Fugaku…but not a random old man.

“What has happened to her?” asked Mizu, staring warily at Mikoto’s wild movements.

“Alcohol,” stated Ayako. “Alcohol happened.”

“This is going to be the best night of our lives!” Mikoto shouted through the bar, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically.

“I think we ought to make a move on to the club, don’t you?” suggested Hazuki, guiding Mikoto away from the random old man and back onto their part of the dancefloor, and into their protective circle.

“Yes, the club!” beamed Mikoto.

“All right, we’re moving on to the club!” announced Ayako to their group. She held up her glass. “Everybody, down your drinks!”

“Down in one! Down in one!” shouted Mikoto.

At her command, the entire group downed their drinks. Izumi staggered as blood rushed to her head, before leaning on Tsunami for support. Tsunami reached out with her muscled arms, holding Izumi steady.

“You ok?”

“That went straight to my head!” she giggled, lifting herself back upright.

“Little lightweight,” Tsunami wrapped her arm around Izumi’s waist, and then helped to guide her out of the bar and back onto the streets.

“This way, Mikoto!” shouted Ayako, when Mikoto tried to walk down an alleyway.

“Right, right!” Mikoto tottered along, leaning on Ayako for support, then on Kasumi, then twirling around in the street.

“Does she do this often?” asked Konan.

“No,” Izumi shook her head.

“I want to dance!” Mikoto announced.

“That’s right, keep walking, once we go in the club, you can dance,” said Hazuki, guiding Mikoto along.

“Yeah! You’re going to dance with me, won’t you Zuki-chan?”

“Of course I’m going to dance with you,” replied Hazuki.

“And I’ll dance with you!” added Kasumi.

“Yes! Kasumi, dance with me!”

“Here we are!” announced Ayako, as they neared the club. They stepped into the queue, waiting together. The distant beat of the bass thudded out of the club, and even as they waited they danced along to the beat.

“I want cocktails!” Mikoto declared, parading back and forth in front of their group. Her sparkly dress caught the neon light of all the club signs. “When we get in, I’m paying for us to sit in the VIP Lounge, we’re having cocktails, and you know how I’m going to pay for it?”

“How?” asked Konan.

“Fugaku’s credit card!”

“His credit card?! Does he know you’ve got it?” asked Hazuki.

“Fugaku doesn’t even know he has a credit card!” laughed Mikoto, flashing it. “Look!”

“Somebody stop her,” whispered Izumi. “We’ve made a monster.”

“In we go!” cried Mikoto delightedly as they reached the doors. “I’ve got this! I’ll pay for all the girls!”

She swiped Fugaku’s credit card, and paid for everyone to enter. The bouncer stamped their hands to show that they had paid, and ushered them inside. The music thudded and boomed around the club, and the lights were low, but for the disco lights blaring a kaleidoscope of neon lights around the room.

“We want the VIP Lounge!” Mikoto declared. “We want the best VIP seats in your club!”

The group followed after Mikoto through to the VIP Lounge, where they perched on soft leather chairs. To fit into one area, Izumi balanced on Tsunami’s lap, whilst Mizu and Hinami shared a seat, Konan and Mei each took a seat for themselves, but then leant over to talk so intently that they may as well have sat on one seat anyway. Meanwhile, Mikoto lounged over one entire seat for herself. Kasumi sat next to her, holding Mikoto upright in her seat, and then ordering drinks for the table again when a waiter appeared.

“We want cocktails!” interrupted Mikoto. “Lots and lots of cocktails! Margaritas, mojitos, cosmopolitans…everything you’ve got!”

Kasumi shrugged. “What the lady said.”

Cocktails were slammed down onto the table. Mikoto squealed with delight. She grabbed one and sipped away eagerly.

“Steady on,” warned Hazuki, taking a slow and steady sip of one of the mojitos.

“It’s fine!” Mikoto clapped her on the shoulder. “It’s a celebration! This…tomorrow…is going to be the happiest day of my life-”

“The happiest day of _Itachi’s_ life-”

“And by extension mine!”

Izumi felt Tsunami’s fingers run through her hair, and then leant back securely in Tsunami’s arms that wrapped around her waist. She tilted her head back to face Tsunami, and regardless of the fact that Hazuki and Kasumi were sitting right in front of them, without a care in the world, puckered her lips for a kiss.

Tsunami met her lips with hers. The music thudded on, the group laughed and gossiped, and the rest of the group sipped margaritas, mojitos, cosmopolitans, and whatever else Mikoto had ordered. Below the table, Tsunami’s hand settled on her knee, slipping beneath the material of Izumi’s dress, and caressing the tender flesh of Izumi’s inner thigh.

A camera snapped, as the group began to take selfies and group pictures. Mikoto sprawled across, photo-bombing into all of them. She seized Ayako by the shoulders and plonked a kiss on her forehead in one of them, then did the exact same to Hazuki, slumped down in the seat next to Konan and threw her arms around Konan in a hug, practically falling across Konan onto Mei. Konan simply stroked Mikoto’s hair.

“You’re a good lady, Konan, you take good care of my son!” babbled Mikoto.

“I think you need to drink some water,” said Konan.

Mikoto released Konan, clamoured over Konan’s lap, and the rest of the chairs, before practically sitting on Kasumi. “Take one of me and Kasumi, Hinami, sweetheart! And then…send it to Fugaku, and tell him I’m behaving myself. Right?”

Ayako grabbed Hinami by the arm. “Take the picture to shut her up, but for god’s sake, _don’t send it_.”

“Then put them all on Facebook so everyone can eat their hearts out at what a great time we’re having!” instructed Mikoto.

“Really?” asked Hinami.

“Really!” nodded Mikoto. “Make sure to tag me!”

* * *

“I can’t believe you didn’t want to have a party to celebrate your last night of freedom,” Shisui sulked, as he, Itachi, Sasuke and Fugaku sat in the living room at Itachi’s house. There were a few empty beer cans on the coffee table, although Fugaku had forbidden Sasuke from drinking any of them, and Itachi hadn’t touched a single one of them, preferring to drink tea. “I can’t believe your mother has gone out to party for you.”

“My last night of freedom? Shisui, are you serious?” scolded Itachi, dumping his cup of tea back down on the table. “I’m getting married, not imprisoned!”

“But we could have had such fun!” protested Shisui.

“Like what? Repainting the Hokage’s tower pink? Or how about turning the Hashirama and Madara statues into a bride and groom?” asked Itachi.

“Er…yes?” replied Shisui.

“Idiot,” scolded Fugaku.

Shisui sulked, and leant back against the cushions. He pulled out his phone, and started to scroll through Facebook.

“It’s a good idea Itachi hasn’t gone out this evening. A _sensible_ thing,” said Fugaku. “He can get a good night’s rest before the big day tomorrow, can’t you, son?”

“That’s right, otou-san,” agreed Itachi.

“And if he’d gone out, I wouldn’t have been able to come,” sulked Sasuke.

“Don’t worry Sasuke, I’d have loaned you my ID like we do whenever you want to get booze for your friends,” replied Shisui.

“What?” barked Fugaku.

“Ehhh…nothing!” said Shisui quickly.

“I heard that,” growled Itachi.

“No, you didn’t, anyway, Itachi have you looked on Facebook this evening?” asked Shisui.

“Don’t change the topic,” Itachi retorted.

“I’m not changing the topic, I’m just asking you if you’ve been on Facebook,” asked Shisui. His voice had an excited pitch, and his eyes sparkled.

“No,” replied Itachi. “Why would I want to go on Facebook?”

“To look at pictures!”

“Of what?” asked Itachi.

“People,” said Shisui.

“No thanks,” Itachi wrinkled his nose. He reached over, and ruffled Sasuke’s hair. “I’m getting sleepy, I think I’m going to turn in for the night.”

“Me too, nii-san,” yawned Sasuke.

“Come on, let’s go up and get some rest,” said Itachi. “Night otou-san, night Shisui.”

“Night,” said Fugaku.

Shisui turned back to his phone as Itachi and Sasuke made their way up the stairs. He stared at the screen, barely able to believe his luck. Hinami had uploaded a series of pictures, including one of Izumi and Tsunami kissing.

Finally, he had caught them.

And it wasn’t just any platonic kiss between two girls who were friends, or two in-laws greeting one another, it was a passionate lip lock. They both looked incredibly into it, and their eyes were closed in bliss.

Shisui tapped on the comment section of the picture, then typed out Kisame’s name. When the tag popped up, he clicked on it. Then, he pressed enter.

Shisui put the phone down, and grinned, as he waited for all hell to break loose. He took a sip from his beer, took a sideways glance at Fugaku scrolling through television channels, and then glanced back at his phone.

Nothing had happened.

Shisui lifted his phone back up, and make sure he had properly tagged Kisame. But the tag looked right. He refreshed the page, and waited.

He waited another ten minutes, before deleting the comment and tagging Kisame again. But Kisame did not respond.

Shisui scrolled through his contacts, finding Kisame’s twin brothers’ numbers. He put them both into a group chat, and then sent them a message.

_‘Make Kisame look at his phone’_

There was an instant reply. Shisui praised the heavens.

_‘Why would we do that?’_

Shisui groaned.

_‘Because there’s something he needs to look at’_

Shisui waited.

_‘He’s asleep’_

_‘Wake him up!’_

_‘No! He’s tired!’_

* * *

“Babe,” Tsunami’s lips grazed Izumi’s ear gently. “Shall we go somewhere more private? Just you and I? Quickly?”

Izumi tilted her head up, so that her lips brushed against Tsunami’s ear. “Yes baby.”

Tsunami patted her waist, and Izumi climbed to her feet, whilst Tsunami climbed up behind her.

“Where are you going?” asked Mizu.

Izumi leant back down, and clasped Mizu’s hand. “I’m popping to the ladies for a second…you stay here and have drinks and have fun.”

Izumi released Mizu, before grabbing Tsunami and running with her through the crowded club towards the ladies’ bathrooms. Darting around party-goers, bartenders as they collected glasses, cleaners who haphazardly scrubbed up spilled drinks, they reached the ladies’ bathrooms, finding respite in the muted music. They slipped into the first empty stall they could find, and then Izumi locked the door behind her, double checking it to be secure. Assured that she and Tsunami were alone, she leant upright on her toes, pulling Tsunami down into a kiss.

Tsunami’s arms slid around her waist, pulling Izumi closer. Her hands reached out, searching for the zip of Tsunami’s leather trousers. When she found it, she popped open the button, worked the zip down, then reached for the waistband of Tsunami’s trousers. Tsunami watched her, her eyes growing dark with lust as the leather trousers slid down her thighs. Izumi’s hand crept between her legs, slipping a finger inside of her.

“You’re already wet,” murmured Izumi.

“I’m wet just looking at you in that dress,” moaned Tsunami, reaching for Izumi’s wrist, pulling her finger further inside. “Fuck…just fuck me already, baby.”

Izumi slide her finger back and forth, before adding a second, then a third, as she knew Tsunami liked best. Tsunami tilted her head back against the wall of the toilet stall, releasing a low throaty moan. Izumi picked up the speed, and Tsunami’s hips rolled in time.

“That’s good, that’s so nice,” Tsunami clutched Izumi, her fingers clenching the fabric of Izumi’s dress.

Izumi felt Tsunami quivering beneath her touch. She picked up her pace, smiling as Tsunami’s grip on her tightened. She glanced up, and saw that Tsunami’s cheeks were flushed, that she was biting her lower lip with her sharp pointed teeth, her eyes tightly closed as the gills on her cheeks and shoulders opened and closed in rapid succession. Izumi grinned to herself, loving how Tsunami allowed her to see her like this. Her fingers continued to work rapidly, and then Tsunami gave a loud shriek, before sagging back against the stall.

“Did you like that, babe?” asked Izumi, slipping her fingers free.

“Fuck yes,” Tsunami wavered, before regaining her composure. Her glazed eyes regarded Izumi fondly. “You’re such a little sweetheart.”

Izumi leant her head against Tsunami’s chest, snuggling her face between her soft breasts, then laying a gentle kiss above Tsunami’s heart. Tsunami stroked her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Your turn,” she murmured in her ear. Her hands went to the back of Izumi’s dress, sliding down the zip. She pulled the red silk straps down, letting her hand lightly caress Izumi’s freed breasts, before giving one a firm squeeze. She reached down for the hem of Izumi’s dress, pushing the red silk up over her hips and waist. She slid down Izumi’s underwear down her legs, so that it fell to the floor, before slipping one finger inside of Izumi. “Heh…you’re wet too.”

“Watching you come like that…so hot…” Izumi murmured back in her ear.

“Aww, babe,” Tsunami began to rub back and forth, and felt Izumi start to shiver with pleasure beneath her. She added a second finger, and continued to rub. Izumi spread her legs further, letting Tsunami take control.

* * *

Shisui gave up on his phone, and climbed up.

“I’m just going to get some fresh air,” he lied to Fugaku, slipping out the front door.

Shisui ran outside to the window of the house where Kisame was staying. He grabbed the first stone, and lobbed it at Kisame’s window. It bounced off, and fell down the bricks. Shisui grabbed another, throwing them all in rapid succession.

When that didn’t work, Shisui had another idea.

He wrapped his hands around his mouth, and then yowled, imitating a cat. His mother’s cats were always screaming and yowling and fighting at night, and waking everybody in the Compound up.

“MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!” Shisui shrieked. He added some hisses for good measure, and then meowed again.

The window of the house opposite opened.

“Shisui…what the fuck?” demanded Hidan, his magenta eyes puffy with sleep.

“Oh, hey Hidan!” greeted Shisui. “Oka-chan’s cats are acting up, so I thought I’d get them back in the house.”

“No, they’re not!” Deidara leant out the window next to Hidan’s, his blond hair mussed. “You were literally standing in the middle of the Compound making cat noises! You Uchihas are weird!”

“No, it’s the cats!” insisted Shisui. “They were running round outside Kisame’s window…I thought I’d get them all back in the house so Kisame could sleep.”

“There aren’t any cats!” scorned Deidara. “I don’t see any!”

“Because they ran away!” replied Shisui. He shrugged. “They’re cats, you know?”

“They better have been cats, and you better not just be making stupid noises and waking me up, I’ve had to listen to Kakuzu nail Hidan to the wall for about two hours and I’m exhausted!” shouted Deidara.

“Jealous Dei? Maybe you should go and sit on Sasori’s puppet dick!” taunted Hidan.

“I can’t! He’s gone!”

“What do you mean, Sasori is gone?” frowned Hidan.

Giving up, and deciding that putting them under a genjutsu would cause Deidara to start too much drama when he could leave them both to argue about Sasori’s disappearance, Shisui snuck back through the Compound to Fugaku’s house, slumping back down on the sofa, and picking his phone back up.

* * *

“Mikoto, I think you should go to the bathroom. You’ve drunk a lot,” stated Ayako.

“Why? Why do I need the bathroom?” asked Mikoto. She took a deep sip of one of the cocktails that she’d ordered. The glass was almost half-empty, and there was a table of empty glasses around her already.

“In case what happened on the family holiday happens again when you couldn’t hold your bladder,” warned Ayako.

“What happened on the family holiday when I couldn’t hold my bladder?” asked Mikoto.

Ayako practically facepalmed. She turned to Mizu and Hinami. “You two girls take your aunt to the bathroom. I’m going to get her some water.”

“This is my night!” declared Mikoto, as Mizu and Hinami lifted her up.

“It’s Itachi’s night,” corrected Mizu.

“Well, I can enjoy it for him!”

Mizu and Hinami both guided Mikoto into the bathroom.

“Go in there,” instructed Hinami, pointing to one of the stalls.

“I can’t go to toilet in my dress, it’s too tight. And I can’t take my dress off by myself,” protested Mikoto. “One of you needs to help me.”

Hinami squeezed in the stall with Mikoto, whilst Mizu held the broken toilet door shut in case any intruders burst in on them.

“Are you having a good time, Hinami?” asked Mikoto.

“Er…yeah,” stated Hinami, unzipping Mikoto’s dress for her.

“Good! I’m so glad…you know, I always wanted a daughter and I always wanted to do the whole hen party thing when the time came…I was so sure Sasuke was going to be a girl, I even bought loads of pink outfits but then Itachi was right and he was a boy, but I had all these pink outfits, so Sasuke had to wear pink for the first ten weeks of his life. Kushina Uzumaki…do you remember her? No, you probably wouldn’t, she died when you were just a baby yourself. Kushina even thought he was a girl…that was the day before her own baby was born…poor woman, she didn’t deserve what happened to her, neither did her baby…it makes me so sad even now…she should be here, right now, partying with us, and seeing my son get married tomorrow! If only I’d been there…did you know when she was a chunin she joined a few teams with me when I was a jonin to do missions, she was like a little sister to me…you know, if I’d been there, then I’d have brought Hazuki with me to help deliver the baby and stop the kyuubi escaping and stop Obito getting up to all that mischief. And then poor Konan wouldn’t have had to go to all that trouble. I tell you what, Hazuki knows everything, she’s brilliant, and poor Naruto would still have a family-”

“Mikoto-sama! You’re rambling! Just go to toilet before you wet yourself!” scolded Hinami.

“Oh, right, right,” nodded Mikoto.

“Is she actually using the toilet?” called Mizu through the toilet stall door.

“Well, she’s sitting on it,” replied Hinami.

“Mikoto-sama, go to toilet like Ayako-sama told you!” Mizu ordered.

“I am!” protested Mikoto. Both the girls waited, until they heard the sound of trickling. Relieved, they sighed.

“All right, are you done?” asked Hinami.

Mikoto nodded.

Hinami held out a piece of toilet paper for Mikoto to wipe herself. Clubbing was such an inelegant experience, even for the most elegant kunoichi. Mikoto accepted it, wiped herself, then stood upright. Hinami began to help her back into her dress, but then Mikoto had another idea.

“I wonder if anyone else is in here?” she asked, clamouring on top of the toilet seat.

“No, Mikoto, no!” Hinami yelped, as Mikoto leant over the toilet stall, clad in nothing more than her bra, knickers and half-zipped dress.

Mikoto gave a loud whistle, and then gave a thumbs up over the stall. “Having fun, ladies? That’s nothing I wouldn’t have done when I was your age, you know!”

“Mikoto, get down!” shouted Mizu, looking up at Mikoto as she perched on top of the stall.

Izumi gave a startled gasp, and then Tsunami’s voice rang out. “Do you want to join us or something?”

“I prefer dominating Fugaku if I’m honest, there’s just something about putting the head of the Uchiha clan down on his knees, but I haven’t been with a woman in years!” announced Mikoto. The whole bathroom turned and stared at them, realising who Mikoto was.

“Get down, Mikoto!” Hinami attempted to tug Mikoto off the toilet seat and back down into the stall. Mikoto clung firmly to the top of the wall of the stall, and did not allow Hinami to move her.

“I’m getting Ayako-sama!” Mizu fled the bathrooms.

“Don’t leave me with her!” Hinami cried.

“I have two hands, and a very skilled tongue,” taunted Tsunami. There was a hint of pride in her voice.

“Don’t encourage her!” groaned Hinami.

Ayako emerged with Mizu, and then pushed open the door of the toilets.

“Mikoto, that’s enough!” she barked, before lifting Mikoto off the toilet seat. She yanked Mikoto’s dress up and zipped her back inside, before hauling her over to the sinks. “Now wash your hands. I’ve brought you some water.”

Mikoto staggered forwards, and pressed the taps, before haphazardly shoving her hands underneath the stream of water. There was a loud shrill cry, and then a bang in the toilet stall that Tsunami and Izumi had been in. A few moments later, and both the girls emerged. Izumi’s dress was rumpled, her hair slightly dishevelled, and they both had lipstick smeared across their lips.

“Finished?” asked Hinami, one eyebrow raised.

“For now,” smirked Izumi. She leant over to the mirror, and wiped away the remnants of hers and Tsunami’s lipstick. She readjusted her dress, and Tsunami did the same, rinsing her hands clean.

“Drink this,” urged Ayako, handing a glass of water to Mikoto.

“Is this vodka?” asked Mikoto.

“Sure,” lied Ayako.

“Bottoms up!” Mikoto chugged the glass, before slamming it down on the counter. “Well, that was weak vodka.”

“That’s the idea. Now, let’s dance this energy off,” announced Ayako. “We’re all going on the dancefloor!”

Mikoto cheered, skipping ahead as the rest of the group followed her.

“Are you ok?” asked Hinami.

“I’m fine,” replied Izumi.

“I mean, Mikoto did interrupt you…” Hinami trailed off.

“There’s no way she’s going to remember this tomorrow,” dismissed Izumi, with a wave of her hand. They re-joined their group, before moving in one large circle to the dancefloor.

Mikoto ruled the dancefloor, getting down to some of the faster, poppy beats, and even dancing with a few stray men and women who dared dance near. For a few songs, she danced with Konan, letting Konan guide her across the floor to the music. Then Mikoto released Konan, and Konan instead entwined her arms around Mei, whilst Mikoto leant heavily on Ayako, and wrapped her arms around Ayako’s shoulders.

“Do you remember, Ayako?” asked Mikoto.

“Remember what?”

“Remember when I was in my teens and you taught me how to kiss?”

“Yes, I do,” said Ayako.

“I miss us being young and having fun and now when I’m seeing our kids grow up and get married…I get all sentimental…”

“I get sentimental when my cats have kittens.”

“What would we do without you, Ayako?” asked Mikoto. “Looking after our clan’s ninneko all these years…you know what, Ayako?”

“What?”

“This is the best party ever!” beamed Mikoto, looking around at everyone. “This was such a good idea! I’ve got all my babies here.”

Mikoto flung her arms around Kasumi. Kasumi clapped her on the back in response, and then swayed with Mikoto to the music. Mikoto leant heavily on Kasumi, letting the taller woman support her upright.

Tsunami reached for Izumi, holding her closely. Izumi reached up and clutched her tightly, and then as the beat of the song grew slower, lowered her hands, feeling Tsunami do the same. Neither of them spoke, and instead let the closeness of their bodies and the warmth of the atmosphere do the talking for them.

The DJ crackled into the microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, we will be closing at 1.30am! Please get your last drinks in, and start to think about making your way home.”

“No!” shouted Mikoto. “No! We only just started the party!”

“We’ll go to another club!” suggested Kasumi.

“Another one?” asked Tsunami.

“Yes, darling! The night is still young!” exclaimed Mikoto, throwing her arms around both Kasumi, Tsunami and Izumi. “Let’s go!”

“Are we going?” asked Mizu.

“Yes, let’s go! We’re going to the club over the road…it stays open until 3am,” decided Hazuki.

Together, they made their way out of the club and back into the streets. The fresh air hit them all, and Mikoto stumbled and staggered in her heels.

“Mikoto, this way!” instructed Hazuki.

“No, it’s this way!” Mikoto pointed.

“No, come this way, Mikoto!” ordered Ayako. “Mizu, Hinami, you two take care of your aunt!”

Both Mizu and Hinami linked arms with Mikoto, and started to guide her along.

“You don’t have to carry me,” insisted Mikoto. “I can walk by myself.”

“No, you can’t,” replied Hinami.

“I don’t even think they’ll let you in now, with how drunk you are,” added Mizu.

“I don’t understand that, you know. The whole point of the club is to get drunk and have a good time. So why wouldn’t they let already drunk people in? Because if they’re going to make you drunk anyway, why wouldn’t they let you in if you’re drunk already?”

“No one knows,” said Hinami.

“The customer is always right,” Mikoto announced.

“Unless the customer is drunk,” scolded Hinami.

“You know, maybe we should skip the club and just get you a kebab and take you home to sober up,” suggested Mizu. “You don’t want to be hungover tomorrow for Itachi’s wedding, do you?”

“I’ll be fine,” dismissed Mikoto. “There’s a lovely invention called coffee.”

“You take Mikoto, I’m going to talk to Ayako,” said Mizu, to Hinami.

“Oi!”

Mizu darted ahead, and began to talk rapidly in Ayako’s ear. The group stopped walking but for a few who bounced ahead. Mikoto freed herself from Hinami, and then danced around in a circle.

“See, I’m fine!” she declared. “Look! I can walk…I can run…”

“No Mikoto!” shouted Hinami, but it was too late. Mikoto ran off down the first street she could find, her heels clacking. Her whoops faded into the distance. Hinami face-palmed. “Oh for goodness’ sake! Izumi-senpai! I’ve lost Mikoto-sama!”

“You lost her?” Izumi staggered back to Hinami.

“She just took off!” insisted Hinami.

“Oh shit. What are we going to say to Fugaku?” asked Hazuki.

“Forget Fugaku, what are we going to say to Itachi?” asked Izumi.

“Ah,” Hazuki stopped. “Well, we better find her!”

“Wait, what?” Ayako glanced around. “You’ve lost her?”

“She ran off!” protested Hinami.

“We’ve got to get her back!” Ayako stated. “We’ll split up!”

* * *

Fugaku flicked through the television channels as Shisui lounged back on the sofa next to him, glowering at his phone.

Fugaku couldn’t sleep. Itachi and Sasuke were asleep, as Fugaku had checked on them an hour ago. But something whirled around Fugaku’s mind that wouldn’t let him alone to feel sleepy enough to crawl into bed. Was it Itachi’s impending nuptials tomorrow, or the fact that Mikoto was out and he knew she was drinking?

The phone rang.

“Who would ring at this hour?” grumbled Fugaku.

Shisui shrugged.

Fugaku picked up the phone.

“A disturbance? In the streets?”

Shisui continued typing frantically on his mobile.

“A woman in her mid-forties?” asked Fugaku. He frowned, and then sighed heavily. “All right, I’ll come.”

He put the phone down.

“Shisui, put your shoes on and get ready. There’s a middle-aged woman causing a disturbance in the village,” growled Fugaku. “Inconsiderate villagers…”

“Oh, now?” complained Shisui. “But Kisame won’t look at his phone…I’ve been trying to wake him up all night.”

“Why are you doing that?!” frowned Fugaku.

Shisui swallowed. “Just to make him look at some pictures.”

He and Fugaku got ready, and then began their way down into the village.

* * *

 “I found her!” shouted Izumi.

“Brilliant,” Ayako put her hands on her hips, as she joined Izumi. She stared at Mikoto. “Wait… _what is she doing_? Is that a _mannequin_?”

Mikoto stumbled through an empty park, clutching a mannequin in her arms. Drunkenly, she slurred bizarre terms of endearment at it. “I just looove romantic walks on the beach with my husband!”

“Mikoto, come here!” called Kasumi.

“I’m having a walk with my husband!” Mikoto called back, her words jumbled and scrambled. “A nice, romantic walk with my husband.”

“Mikoto, that’s not Fugaku!” shouted Izumi.

“It is Fugaku!” Mikoto stopped, and jabbed her finger at the mannequin’s chest. “Who else would it be?”

“Mikoto, that’s a mannequin!” scolded Izumi. “Put it down and come back here.”

“No, it’s my husband!” insisted Mikoto.

Konan stepped through the group to take a better look, and then frowned. “Wait, that’s not a mannequin! _That’s Sasori_!”

The group did a double take. As Mikoto made another turn, they got a better look at the ‘mannequin,’ and noticed that he had a thatch of red hair, dainty doll-like features, and a core in his chest.

“That _is_ Sasori!” exclaimed Izumi. “Mikoto-sama, that’s not Fugaku! That’s not a mannequin either! That’s Sasori! And you should probably put him down because he’s poisonous!”

“No, it’s Fugaku!” Mikoto announced, jabbing a pointed finger at Sasori. “It’s my husband…love you, Fugaku.”

“No, that’s Sasori!” shouted Konan. “Put him down!”

“No, this is my husband!” Mikoto insisted again. “I’m going to take him home…tie him up and spank him, just the way he likes!”

Tsunami howled with laughter, bending over and leaning her hands on her knees.

“He loves it when I dominate him!” Mikoto announced proudly. “He likes being tied up, spanked, told what a naughty boy he is-”

Sasori raised his head. “Well, this is interesting. Please, go on.”

“How did she even manage to kidnap him?” Konan shook her head.

“You love it, don’t you, Fugaku,” Mikoto babbled, stroking Sasori’s hair.

“Mikoto, you need to come over here,” called Ayako. “You need to come here, and put Sasori down!”

“What is going on here?” demanded a voice. The group of women and girls all turned around to see Fugaku wearing his police uniform, followed by a sulky Shisui.

“Oh, Fugaku, lovely to see you!” greeted Kasumi. “What brings you out tonight?”

“A disturbance,” complained Fugaku. “By a middle aged woman.”

“Well, we haven’t seen anyone, have we, mama?” Tsunami nudged Kasumi.

“Nope, not at all,” added Izumi.

“Then who’s that mad woman dragging a mannequin around behind you?” asked Fugaku, peering through them. Fugaku’s eyes widened. “MIKOTO!”

Fugaku pushed his way through, and then stared at Mikoto dragging Sasori around the park.

“What the…MIKOTO!” he yelled again.

“I’m just having a romantic walk with my husband, officer!” protested Mikoto.

“I’M YOUR HUSBAND!” roared Fugaku.

Mikoto dropped Sasori. “Oh! You’re right! Hello dear!”

“Someone called the police about you!” Fugaku shouted. “I’ve come out all this way, the night before my son gets married, to find my wife dragging a Pinocchio-cosplayer through a children’s play park!”

“We thought it was a mannequin,” added Mizu.

“I prefer to call myself _art_ ,” corrected Sasori, waving a finger for emphasis.

“Right, that’s it!” Fugaku barked. “Mikoto Uchiha, I’m arresting you for drunken disorderly behaviour in the streets!”

“What? You can’t arrest your own wife!” Shisui cried.

Fugaku slapped a pair of handcuffs on Mikoto.

“Well, this is rather new, usually you prefer wearing the handcuffs, don’t you, dear?” Mikoto rambled.

Fugaku turned bright red. “Come on, we’re going home. You’re going to sober up before tomorrow morning, or else.”

“I…think we should all head home too, don’t you think?” suggested Ayako.

Hazuki held back her laughter.

Fugaku marched Mikoto out of the park, whilst Mikoto happily babbled away to her husband about how happy she was that they were spending time together. The rest of the group began to follow them back, sniggering at the contrast between Fugaku’s purposeful stride and Mikoto tottering on her heels.

Izumi shivered in the cooling night air.

“Cold, babe?” asked Tsunami.

“No,” lied Izumi.

“You’re shivering.”

“I was hot from running.”

“Come here,” instructed Tsunami. In one swift movement she had pulled off her jacket and wrapped it around Izumi’s shoulders.

“But now you’ll be cold,” protested Izumi.

“But you won’t be.”

“That makes no-” Izumi broke off to yawn loudly. “No sense.”

Tsunami gave her an amused look. “Tired as well?”

“She’s a sleepy drunk,” interrupted Hinami. “We stole a bottle of wine from the storeroom once and drunk it ourselves and she fell asleep in less than an hour.”

“She’ll fall asleep where she’s standing if we’re not careful,” added Mizu.

“No, I won’t!” insisted Izumi, even as she stumbled over a stray stone on the path.

Tsunami bent down, and laid an arm beneath her knees, then one beneath her shoulder blades, scooping Izumi up into her arms, bridal style.

“Better?” asked Tsunami.

Izumi nestled against Tsunami’s shoulder. “You’re mad. I’m heavy.”

Tsunami snorted. “You think you’re heavy? I pick the twins up all the time!”

Konan checked Sasori over where Mikoto had dropped him. “Are you all right, Sasori?”

“I’m fine,” said Sasori. He reached up and removed Mikoto’s bra, that she had slapped on his head and announced was a ‘nice hat for her husband to wear on their stroll.’ Konan offered him her arm, which he accepted, and they began to walk back to the compound. He gave a wry smile. “I have to say…Itachi has a very interesting family.”

They trooped back up into the Uchiha Compound.

“After drinks at mine?” asked Kasumi, gesturing to her guesthouse.

“No, let’s go to mine!” announced Ayako. “You can all meet the cats!”

* * *

Tsunami carried Izumi back to her house, listening to Izumi sigh in her sleep. Effortlessly, she navigated the stairs up to the porch, then the stairs up to Izumi’s room. She laid Izumi out on her bed, and then leant down to slip her heels off for her. Izumi murmured gratefully in her sleep, and Tsunami tucked the blanket up over her shoulders.

Briefly, she debated climbing in bed beside Izumi, curling up around her as they had the previous few nights, but figured that Izumi would probably be more comfortable with the whole bed to stretch out across.

Instead she stroked Izumi’s hair off her face, then laid a kiss on her forehead. “Night babe, sleep well.”

Izumi mumbled something incoherently, then huddled under the blanket. Tsunami turned, to head back to Ayako’s house and see what kind of horrific drunken antics Kasumi, Hazuki and Ayako were getting up to.

* * *

The next day dawned, and Itachi wandered downstairs into the kitchen sleepily, wrapped in a dressing gown, and running his hands through his sleep-mussed hair.

“Morning otou-san, Sasuke,” he greeted. “Sleep ok?”

“Eh,” grunted Fugaku in response.

Itachi glanced around the dining table, realising that someone was missing. “Where’s oka-san?”

“Itachi,” said Fugaku firmly, sitting upright. “Your mother can’t attend your wedding today.”

“What?” demanded Itachi.

“Your mother can’t be there,” replied Fugaku. “Last night, I was called out to arrest a middle aged woman causing a disturbance in a children’s playground. It was your mother. I had no choice but to arrest her and put her in a cell in the police headquarters to sober up.”

“WHAT?” demanded Itachi. “YOU ARRESTED MY MOTHER? YOUR WIFE?”

“I had no choice!” protested Fugaku.

“I won’t get married without my mama!” insisted Itachi. He grabbed the keys from Fugaku’s vest, and then marched towards the police headquarters. He stamped past Tekka, Inabi and Yashiro as they sat eating donuts, and to the cell that Mikoto sat in.

“Mama!” he cried as soon as he opened the door. Mikoto sat perched on a bench, with her dress in disarray, happily singing to herself. He bent down and wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t worry, mama, I’ll get you out of here!”

“Awww, Itachi, my little sweetheart!” Mikoto beamed. “I’ve had the best time ever! Your father and I went for a nice romantic stroll, then he brought me here to this hotel and said I could sober up before he came back with cocktails.”

“Mama, mama, no, this isn’t a hotel,” Itachi put his arm under Mikoto’s shoulders and guided her upright. “No more cocktails for you.”

He led her out of the police station, across the Compound, and back to their house, where Sasuke stared horrified from the porch.

“Mama…” he gaped, at Mikoto’s dishevelled hair, smeared makeup, broken heels and snagged dress.

“Sasuke, my baby boy!” beamed Mikoto. “I spent the night in a hotel!”

“Get her some toast and coffee,” ordered Itachi.

Sasuke ran back inside, and began to boil the kettle and put some toast in the oven.

“Come on now, mama,” Itachi guided Mikoto up the stairs, and into her bedroom. He sat her on her bed and pulled her broken shoes from her blistered feet. “You nap here, and Sasuke is going to bring you some coffee and some toast.”

“Is he bringing me cocktails?”

“No, no more cocktails,” scolded Itachi, wiping Mikoto’s face with a flannel. When Sasuke returned, they both plied Mikoto with coffee, toast, and made her lie down.

“Itachi…” mumbled Mikoto. “I don’t feel well.”

Within moments, Mikoto rushed upright, leapt off the bed, raced out the room to the bathroom, flung her head over the toilet and retched.

“Well, that will teach her,” growled Fugaku. He folded his arms, and glared at Mikoto as she finished vomiting.

Itachi helped his mother up, wiped her mouth with a flannel, and then led her back to bed to rest. As he turned to scold Fugaku for leaving Mikoto in a jail cell, there was a loud ringing at the door.

“Probably the florist with our corsages,” said Itachi. “I’ll get it.”

He headed downstairs, and then opened the door.

Sasori stood there. He held out a strapless bra, pinched between his forefinger and thumb, as far away from his body as humanly possible.

“Your mother left this with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> how do you think Mikoto managed to kidnap Sasori?! XD
> 
> if you've got any questions, concerns, or comments, please feel free to leave some! I love to hear from you and love to talk back! <3 i'm also happy to accept constructive criticism, as long as its polite and respectful!


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